0:14 hello and welcome to another episode of live love by design TV
0:20 I’m Karen Chaston and today you are in for a real treat
0:26 I’m going to bring in my beautiful guest Maura Sweeney hello Maura how are you
0:31 Karen I’m great how are you today I’m so excited now some of our viewers
0:38 may remember that I had a conversation with Maura
0:41 it was actually my first show of live life by design TV and it was probably
0:46 about a few months ago anyway I think I’m about seventeen eighteen shows in so
0:51 that’s how long ago it is so today we are have reconnected to actually talk
0:57 about the book radical forgiveness now I’m not sure if you remember but
1:01 Maura was all about forgiveness and a month or so after I chatted with Maura I
1:07 this book came into my life and as soon as I read it I reached out to Maura and I
1:13 asked her to read it and she just has so that’s what we’re going to discuss today
1:18 and it’s a totally new concept isn’t it – forgiveness Maura you know you would
1:24 say that and you know I feel like I’ve lived so much of my adult life even my
1:28 early life in that but I would say for me this has taken it to like another
1:33 level and I’m still looking forward to the additional outcomes and the benefits
1:37 of this whole concept it is so for our viewers it’s all about understanding
1:43 that no one does anything to you they do it for you on a soul level and I know
1:51 that is really hard for a lot of people to understand especially if you have
1:56 been abused in any way especially sexually emotionally it’s not an easy
2:03 concept to actually take on to say well why would my soul learn from this
2:09 experience but it really is magical when you go through the process isn’t it
2:14 Maura yes and I can say that from multiple
2:18 experiences it’s amazing and if I could even add the theme of
2:22 this book to the theme of your show where you say Live Love by design do you
2:28 know ultimately when we learn to love that’s when we’re finally able to live
2:34 fully and so the topic today and the theme of your show all about forgiveness
2:41 because we really we withhold life from us when we withhold forgiveness I
2:45 totally agree but it’s also the energy within our bodies that we keep you know
2:51 those stuck feelings let’s face it you know emotions are energy in motion and
2:57 when they get stuck inside your body it’s the holding of them it’s the
3:02 weighing down of them that really does not only age you it makes you more
3:09 negative than positive which means you’re not going to have as much joy and
3:13 love as you said in your life I totally agree and an interesting thing about
3:19 this book if I could just backtrack I will tell you I probably learned it
3:23 around 9 years old that the idea of holding an offense was not good for me
3:27 even if I was the one holding the offense it was not good for me so I
3:31 recognize that that sense of energy and I’ve always throughout the course of my
3:36 life every time I was afraid afraid of the future fearful that
3:41 something bad was going to happen or felt anxious in any way I would always
3:45 say to myself is there anybody and I would always go to God is there anybody
3:49 God that I have somewhere in the recesses of my mind and my subconscious
3:55 that I’m holding something against and I’d say show me anybody because I would
4:00 make this blanket decision it’s like the one life decision whoever it is whatever
4:05 it is whatever the circumstances it’s forgiven I’m not holding anything
4:09 against anybody because I understood that withholding love or holding an
4:14 offense against another was also working against my own peace and when you don’t
4:19 have peace you really can’t have life but now I totally forgot what the next
4:22 question was that you asked me on an answer that is amazing because I wanted
4:27 to run with that for a little while good did you know at nine that it was weighing
4:34 you down and you did not want to withhold that was it from people around
4:39 you who we’re doing it and you thought I don’t want to be like that or what how was it as
4:42 that’s really young to understand that you can see my face and I’m going to tell
4:48 you Karen I might as well say this is probably going to be one of the most
4:51 transparent interviews I’ve ever given and as a disclosure at the beginning I
4:58 want anybody who may know me personally or know my family to understand
5:03 something as I’m sharing information this is not to degrade anyone because I
5:09 never two things I never want to come off as a victim and I never want to be a
5:13 blamer of anybody else because somehow someway I always knew that there was a
5:19 spiritual connection in my life and nothing on this level with people with
5:24 images with impressions was ever in my mind going to get in the way of where I
5:29 wanted to go which is you know that unity with God which to me it’s perfect
5:33 peace okay so I needed to say that is upfront disclosure now I will tell you
5:39 going back to age 9 it’s a story and I did share this once before I often when
5:46 I was small felt like I could never do the things I wanted to do that’s very
5:50 common among kids but one of the things I wanted to do is to be able to stay up
5:53 later when my ninth birthday came around I said to my mother you know mom I don’t
5:59 need any presents for my birthday this year the only present I want which I
6:03 knew costs no money I want to be able to stay up until nine o’clock at night and
6:07 she said absolutely not and the relationship we had was she was very
6:12 authoritarian and very confident and I knew there was no debate and I got
6:17 really because to me I thought I had one over on her cuz she couldn’t say what too
6:25 expensive don’t want to buy it don’t like the style all it was to say
6:29 yes to nine o’clock so I was nine eight going on nine and I got Karen I can’t
6:35 tell you I got so offended so angry and more than that because she wasn’t
6:40 willing to discuss it I being I had to always be polite I knew
6:44 that much growing up I really couldn’t be a sassy person so you know what I did
6:49 I gave my mother the silent treatment and so I was polite around the table she
6:53 would ask do you want this do you want that no thank you but I would have no
6:56 conversation by the end of a day and a half I can’t tell you what I felt like
7:02 the awareness of feeling disgusting despicable hating myself feeling like a
7:10 ball of dirt I don’t even know how to describe it how would an eight year old
7:14 going on nine describe it I felt terrible about myself and I thought I’m
7:18 never gonna win at this game and nor is it worth it for me to try because the
7:24 what I’m gonna put myself through is far too uncomfortable and I can’t stand it
7:29 so you know what I thought I can’t do anything about it but I don’t want to
7:32 feel miserable I’m just gonna let it go and that was my first learning
7:37 experience on what happens when we stop holding an offense the offense was not
7:43 working against my mother it was working against me and so that was my earliest
7:48 recollection and I could tell you I could build you skyscrapers from there
7:53 but that is perfect Maura because that’s exactly what this book really does talk
7:59 about and reiterate in the fact that we’re holding all these feelings within
8:04 we’re angry with someone we’re not loving them and they’re not
8:09 even aware of it you are weighing yourself down by not giving this
8:14 forgiveness over to them they’re not even aware that you are still carrying
8:20 all of this angst about the event about so much of it that it is really great
8:27 for you to get that at such a young age because your mother probably didn’t even
8:33 really care I’m glad you said that because that was one of the things I thought she has not even notice that fact that I am not talking or that I’m
8:41 angry and it was so frustrating and that was what I thought I realized I was up
8:46 against the wall so what was I fighting and the easiest
8:49 thing for me to do this isn’t another way for people who are listening today
8:52 to consider this you know some people they don’t like to forgive they don’t
8:56 like to forget you know what I did I just dropped it it was too hard to carry
9:00 yes and that was an easy decision for me to make and I’m telling you after that I
9:05 personally felt so much better yes I did not get to go up till nine o’clock but
9:10 I felt so much better what time was your normal bedtime anyway
9:14 oh my goodness you know I could tell you my mother shared with me that at four
9:19 thirty or four o’clock in the afternoon she got me in my pajamas if I could ever go back in
9:23 time and look up in the old days early 60s when the Mickey Mouse series
9:31 finished on TV maybe six six thirty I was in bed Oh wow way to early I know that
9:37 was pretty early so you can see why I was trying to get up till nine o’clock was a
9:39 big deal maybe if you should have gone 8:00 you may have got it okay so let’s talk about the book so what is
9:48 it that you found when you were reading in these what did what awareness did it
9:53 bring to you well I’ll give you my first impression maybe some of your listeners
10:00 are familiar with the Course in Miracles that’s a book I read maybe 10 years ago
10:04 and that had been floating around but I happen to open that book you know for a
10:08 lot of people it’s very cryptic and it’s a little too metaphysical but when I
10:12 read it that whole story is all about forgiveness but forgiveness we give to
10:16 others we give to ourselves and it reunites us to our awarenesses as one
10:20 with god yes when I first got this book and read the opening story which the
10:27 author refers to several times I have to tell you I thought I have to read this
10:31 whole book I just got and I already know this yes the interesting thing was as
10:36 right after I got off the opening story which I understood was the author’s way
10:41 of introducing the concept and the connection wasn’t it a great way to hook you in
10:45 straightaway yes you know what it was and then
10:49 when he went into other stories on the connections between our forgiveness on
10:55 one level when other people are unaware of it and how on another completely
10:59 different level it changes relationships without our doing anything that really
11:04 got my interest and then there was more he talked about the situations where he
11:10 had dealt with people that were so sick especially with cancer patients or
11:15 others that had chronic issues and that when they went through this process of
11:20 just forgiving something that happened in their past that was living rent-free
11:24 in their head and also by extension their body that so got my attention and
11:30 my interest because Karen I may not at this point in my life yet be able to
11:35 prove everything I intuitively know to be true about heaven about earth about
11:41 our reality versus this illusionary world down here but I plan on getting
11:47 there where I could say even in spite of the fact that like I could tell you in
11:51 my own life anybody you could see I had my thyroid removed I’m coughing again I
11:57 I could remember being 25 years old and I had a sales job and I would come into
12:02 the morning and I think my gosh I have to get on the phone but I have a frog in
12:05 my throat when I was in my latter 20s I was managing a branch office which meant
12:11 I had to do a lot of public speaking and I’m thinking why do I always have
12:14 problems with my voice my voice the connection with my voice issues with
12:20 walking pneumonia you name it it’s all connected with what I was willing to say
12:25 and not willing to say and as many times as I’ve gone to say all right already
12:30 I’m ready what is the solution what else can I do somehow in this book I realize
12:35 it’s a long answer to what you’re saying Karen I feel like I got another key as
12:39 much as I open the book and thought I already know it the key that I got and you might
12:44 have to have me on again yes because I’m interested in seeing the
12:47 outcome is that as much as I I could forgive anybody anything including one
12:51 man who when I was like three four years old sexually molested me I was so happy
12:56 to figure out that’s why I had those issues that’s why I was fearful and that
13:01 was the face I had forgot immediately I thought forgive the guy
13:05 he didn’t know what he was doing I could let it go as easily as possible
13:09 the connection Karen that I believe is in this book that brings everything to
13:14 another level at least for me is that I could forgive but I think what I never
13:20 allowed myself to do was to go to those places and literally express and give
13:28 place or let’s say acknowledge my emotions and that’s what I use this book
13:34 for when I did my most recent and I have a feeling that for whatever reason – I
13:41 couldn’t give place to certain emotions as a child and that ability to stuff and
13:47 stuff down or pack away someplace is the very thing that continues to show up
13:52 again again here so I tell you anyway I don’t want to keep talking because I
13:57 could go on now that it’s beautiful exactly what you said Thank You Maura
14:01 thank you for sharing you know so many personal things and experiences more importantly
14:07 as anything that happens to us as a child especially if we know as an adult
14:11 it was wrong for that adult to perpetrate that on you as a child we’re
14:18 told not to talk about it we’re told it’s between us you know
14:22 don’t tell anyone because they know it’s wrong so the fact that you were told to
14:27 not express about it and you shoved it down and shoved it down and shoved it down
14:32 that’s what I love about this book more than anything else is the fact that it
14:38 has worksheets and the worksheets allow you to go through a process of you let
14:46 me just go through the five processes six out so telling the story for you to tell the
14:52 story as as an adult and also as a child and then feeling the feelings because
14:59 you would have shoved those feelings down and not been our able to express
15:04 them they would have been totally running around inside of you and
15:10 stopping you from as you said voicing your opinion when you should then it’s
15:15 about collapsing the story because from a child’s
15:19 perspective or from whatever perspective our perspective is never doesn’t make it
15:23 real because as you know what our beliefs come into it our awareness
15:28 our perspective may not be the reality of exactly what’s happened and by
15:33 writing out the story really does bring that up and then you start to go towards
15:38 a reframe and you reframe that story and then you integrate the shift into your
15:43 body now I’m not talking about or degrading any abuse that has happened to
15:52 anyone but it’s about understanding and being
15:56 able to live with that abuse forgiving the abuser and well I don’t say you have
16:02 to like the abuser or hang out with abuser or make them one of your friends
16:05 or anything like that but it’s about understanding that that event occurred
16:10 into your life so that you could become the person that you decided to become
16:16 before you came down to earth and without that event in your life you may
16:22 not be able to do your main purpose for being here so I hope our viewers
16:29 understand that I’m not degrading any situation but it’s about understanding
16:34 and forgiving so that you can move on and I think a great little story that
16:41 it’s just popped into my head and I don’t want to keep talking anyway and I
16:46 think it was the Columbine shootings it was one of those school shootings and I
16:51 remembered hearing an interview with I can’t think of his first name but the
16:57 CEO of Hay House mr. Reed he was talking to Esther Hicks
17:02 and he asked her you know and Abraham about this mother whose child was shot
17:10 in that in that shooting and the child was aware before he even went to school
17:16 that day that he was not coming home really yes and it’s an amazing interview
17:23 and I just got shivers telling you about it so the mother um she in hindsight to
17:30 his very aware of the things he said and and the
17:33 things that he’d done right they had a whiteboard in their house he drew a
17:36 picture of the family he wasn’t in that picture little things like that before
17:41 he went to school and anyway after the shooting she chose to do a pathway of
17:49 not trying to control the guns but more about let’s looking at our children to
17:56 see signs in them to see that they’ve changed the child who did the shooting
18:01 there were very obvious signs in hindsight that he had changed and he was
18:08 depressed and that he may go down that road but she was setting up programs to
18:14 do that now it would have been very easy for her to never forgive that that
18:19 person but she became to realize that her child had to be shot and killed for
18:25 her to go down that path to save other children so that’s what I love about
18:31 radical forgiveness in the fact that you can take any horrible situation in your
18:39 life and go beyond and see what is this on a soul development level that I can
18:47 heal so that I can do what I’m meant to do does that Karen yes that story I’ve never
18:55 heard about that the child and the mother I’ll send you the recording it’s a such
18:59 a great recording all right you know what I this is very interesting this
19:03 book did a really good job of reaching out to every sort of mindset so there’s
19:09 some that believe in God some that may not believe in God but believe in
19:12 science he actually at one point referred to this as a technology and
19:16 energy what you just described about this Columbine parent and the whole
19:22 situation is something it took me over the course of decades to sort of come to
19:27 the awareness of in my own life we can live in negative energy which to me
19:31 would be like death negative energy is I’m a victim the world is against me
19:37 anything bad can happen at any time I better protect myself and separate
19:41 from everybody and never make a move because any potential move
19:45 could mean death or destruction or whatever but the other side of it and
19:49 this goes back to are we going to live on the side of humanity or are we going
19:53 to see the divine side which has great order and magnificence and really peace
19:58 and that’s the place where we recognize at some level that we all came from
20:05 the same source that we’re all eternal beings and a lot of religious people may
20:11 have problems with that but I know somehow we all came from the same source
20:17 and that’s the real place so you know what I always remembered and this is
20:22 similar to what you’re explaining whenever I would feel low I would go up
20:27 to my bedroom this could be as a child or it could be as literally as an adult it
20:30 could have been last week whenever I feel challenged with things going on in
20:35 this world or something goes wrong that I don’t like or it upsets me I will go
20:39 to my own private space and place and I will literally change the energy around
20:44 and how do I do it I will think in a different way and what I’m looking for
20:49 is that mental and emotional and spiritual space you could literally feel
20:53 it where everything is ordered everything is full of peace and
20:58 everything has this sense of benevolence not just for me that’s gonna work out
21:02 well for me but that in the divine order of things
21:06 everyone will be lifted up and United in the process so that was another really
21:12 good thing about this book because maybe these are things that I kind of learned
21:15 or discerned by stumbling through life but he did a very excellent job of
21:21 packing it down to pragmatic ways that anybody for really any background if
21:27 they really allow themselves to they could get the concepts and by getting
21:32 those concepts and agreeing to them they can experience new things and totally
21:37 agree and I love the way he even said even if you do not believe in this
21:42 process just do it it will still work you do not have to believe in a higher
21:48 being you do not have to believe that we’re all connected we’re all one and we
21:52 all came here together and and that’s what I love about
21:56 it because if the world took on these concepts there would be no wars people
22:03 would allow people to be who they are to have their beliefs like how many you
22:09 know wars have been fought over religion it’s it’s absolutely ridiculous
22:14 who cares what anyone else thinks or who they pray to does it really matter
22:19 no no because when we make that matter that’s where the wars begin that’s where
22:25 the judgments start that’s when the the ability to apply some belief about
22:30 another person that may or may not even be true comes into being rather than
22:35 allowing people to be who they are and seeing them I want to say this I read
22:40 this in the latter part of the book it’s seeing Christ in everyone now you don’t
22:44 have to think about religious Christ but that whole idea of that divinity that
22:49 oneness that familiar place that you recognize in yourself as well
22:53 I had shall I share this with you this is a really good one okay it’s very
22:57 practical and I think a lot of people could relate
23:00 to it my mother-in-law who back in 1977 realized she didn’t like me accept me
23:05 whatever cuz I wasn’t polish like her and she didn’t choose me had made this
23:09 decision I’m not going to accept Maura okay so that was the reality I lived
23:14 with for decades okay one day I was at my sister-in-law’s
23:19 house and this is after going through all kinds of behavior patterns I’m
23:22 trying to get her approval nothing is working she’s icing me out of conversations
23:27 but whatever so you know all these feelings right this is what happened to
23:31 me and I picked it up and I thought it immediately reminded me of it today one day
23:36 while at my sister-in-law’s house we were at the table the kitchen table and
23:41 for whatever reason maybe I’d moved to the sink and I saw her get up and she
23:46 was walking away from me so I wasn’t seeing her from her face I was seeing
23:50 her from behind and here for the very first time I saw a completely different
23:55 woman I saw her from the perspective of this is a woman who didn’t know me who
24:02:00 is fearful of something different than what was like her and she had her
24:06:00 guard up in a way of protection and I’m not going to say it shifted everything
24:10:00 but Karen in that very moment I saw her heart and her soul rather than her
24:17:00 persona and that I’m telling you well we could do that it helps it shifts
24:22:00 everything and it makes so much of that extra negative energy and a lot of those
24:27:00 lies just dissipate I’ve had that happen several times with people but I just
24:31:00 loved it when this man reminded me of that today but more importantly to
24:36:00 looking at from her perspective you were taking away her son yes exactly exactly
24:44:00 and every mother knows an I’m going to get emotional over this when a son marries
24:52:00 you do lose your son they you know I only have a daughter but I have heard
24:57:00 that many times you don’t lose your daughter yeah see and so not that I was ever trying to
25:06:00 but every woman knows that that you know you you will say and that’s what it
25:11:00 is so when you look at it from that perspective you then sort of think oh
25:15:00 you know and it’s funny you know that that she actually did that because I
25:20:00 have consciously consciously I get on with my daughter-in-law and
25:26:00 she’s polish believe it or not so you know there’s something she does I don’t
25:33:00 disagree but I just let that go I’m sure there is heaps of stuff I do that
25:37:00 she disagrees with as well but overall I honestly do like her but I have
25:42:00 consciously said I will always get on with my daughter-in-law and my oldest
25:47:00 son looks like he’ll he’ll get married soon as well which would be great and
25:51:00 and I will do exactly the same with him I don’t understand women who consciously
25:56:00 alienate their in-laws like their daughter-in-laws or their son-in-laws
26:01:00 what’s the point you know you’re actually saying that I disagree with my
26:07:00 child’s choice and to honor and to celebrate your child you have to say
26:13:00 well that wouldn’t have been my choice but I will honor you and I will make
26:18:00 sure she becomes or he becomes part of our family quite
26:22:00 interesting isn’t it isn’t it and you know what really when you look at life
26:26:00 so many scenarios play out over and over again the details on the faces may
26:30:00 change but it is I feel rejected rather than included and
26:34:00 yet do you know the bottom line I really believe because I think it’s it’s where
26:39:00 we all came from we all came from the place of unity and love but here on the
26:43:00 earthly environment where we all live the bottom line is we are looking to be
26:49:00 accepted to be loved just for the just for being ourselves not for being
26:53:00 somebody else or somebody somebody wants us to be and I think that we could have
26:59:00 a completely different world and I know a lot of times wherever I go I kind of
27:03:00 look for stories to tell that convey that thought but when we live in a
27:08:00 society the generation after generation continues to promote the idea of
27:12:00 division polarization fear hatred the other etc people you know you said you
27:20:00 consciously chose to get along with your daughter-in-law a lot sometimes people
27:25:00 give away their own consciousness to someone else’s ideas and they adopt them
27:29:00 as their own and so I might say the same about myself I look for ways to make
27:34:00 things work because I know what it’s like to feel at peace that I know what
27:38:00 it’s like to feel in harmony and to create those environments yes but I must
27:43:00 admit I am so much more consciously aware you know since Dan passed over
27:48:00 seven years ago when what I was and and she has come into my life since then and
27:53:00 I totally understand that we are all living in a world of separateness right
28:01:00 and we all used to be oneness and it’s all I I I but when we come to a
28:08:00 realization that it is actually we and the way we can more easily become we is
28:15:00 we don’t have to be right we don’t have to agree but we don’t have to push our
28:21:00 way onto other people and that’s what this book actually does it shows you
28:27:00 that if you don’t get the lesson from one person you are going to get it again
28:32:00 from another person and they’ll have a different body
28:34:00 they’ll have a different scenario but the lessons are going to keep coming at
28:38:00 you until you get them and everything in your life is about you learning and
28:44:00 growing on a soul level and that’s what I this book I just really do love and
28:51:00 the worksheets oh my god the awareness you get when you start
28:54:00 doing these worksheets and they’re really easy to fill in they take a while they do I don’t know about you I’ve done a few of them
29:04:00 they’ve taken at least two hours for each one yes which which is good because you
29:10:00 really get the awareness through handwriting do you feel that that when
29:14:00 you handwrite you get so much more awareness than when you type yes I’ve told
29:21:00 that to others do you know energetically you could I’ve done this before with my
29:24:00 own journals yes I and I always like to keep journals I’d like to be reflective
29:29:00 I could go back to my handwritten journals and because I’m looking at my
29:34:00 old handwriting I’m immediately back in the moment of when I wrote that
29:38:00 so not only back in the moment but all the emotions all the perspectives the
29:43:00 feelings everything right back there somebody told me that there’s actually some
29:48:00 kind of a connection between our writing yes versus the typing typing cuts off
29:54:00 something but the handwriting literally it’s like it continues to live on
29:58:00 energetically isn’t that amazing because I guess it’s more than the flow of it it’s
30:04:00 the flow more than the typing okay because you’re using one hand and that’s
30:09:00 another thing with handwriting if you use your non-dominant hand to write
30:13:00 you’ll have a different perspective in what you’re writing than if you’re using
30:17:00 your dominant hand yes I’ve heard that too and I’ve even experimented with it
30:22:00 sometimes I’d ask myself a question with my non-dominant hand and look for the
30:27:00 answer and I would get it would like an answer would come from a different place
30:30:00 there it isn’t this stuff amazing I just love this and I look we have I
30:36:00 don’t even know how long I’ve been going because I forgot to look at the clock when we
30:38:00 started but anyway it’s a lot of information so I’d like to ask you you mentioned
30:45:00 before we came on air that you had done a worksheet would you like to share what
30:51:00 you found in in completing that worksheet yes I will
30:55:00 this is once before you could see my face this coming from the woman who could tell any
31:02:00 funny story but when it comes to another story is like ahh all right I’m going to do
31:06:00 it because it’s very interesting especially as I read it aloud to my
31:10:00 husband he said to me this feels heavy the story that I was getting to use as
31:16:00 my story went back to maybe when I was two and a half or three years old we
31:21:00 lived in a split-level home at the time I had a baby brother
31:26:00 who was probably in a crib at the time and I had twin beds in my room and I
31:31:00 slept at the far end of the bedroom away from the door okay there was a space in
31:37:00 between then another twin bed in the middle of the night one night real or
31:42:00 imagined but let’s say it was all imaginary right I saw in like wrapped up
31:48:00 in coils huge snakes we see my arms they were about this size maybe thicker I
31:54:00 want to say at least two or three they were sort of they were in a coil fashion
31:58:00 but they were stacked now imagine to a two and a half three year old child I
32:02:00 was petrified it was like shocking what are these things doing in my dark
32:08:00 bedroom baby I could I could still kind of conjure them up in my mind right now
32:12:00 I probably as a 60 year old I’d be petrified oh okay but imagine this two-and-a-half
32:18:00 three-year-old I was old so this is where I was and
32:22:00 I even when I was doing this exercise I thought did I call to my parents for
32:27:00 help my sense is that I did but my listen to this Karen my voice was
32:33:00 unheard because I got no response and all I can think of is how could I get
32:37:00 out of this room with these snakes because in order to do so I got to kind
32:41:00 pass by the snakes around them to get out the door
32:44:00 as it turns out Karen I did and I managed to exit the door safely and I
32:51:00 could immediately travel up three to four steps to get into my parents room
32:54:00 they had the top floor on this split-level home sorry I’m so happy and I went in and I said I’m so afraid there are snakes in my room I
33:06:00 managed I think my father put me in the bed between them and between my mother
33:11:00 and father and for those minutes Oh Karen I was like you know when you feel
33:15:00 like you’re totally comforted I was like oh thank God I couldn’t even say thank God
33:21:00 back then but in my own mind I was safe and sound and secure well within what
33:27:00 appeared to me to be like no time as in a few minutes my mother said to my
33:31:00 father put her in her bed Oh he pick me up brought me downstairs put
33:37:00 me back in the same bed and I was not only horrified by the snakes at first
33:42:00 and frightened by that but I was like why are you taking me away from you
33:45:00 you’re the other people I feel safe around
33:47:00 well it didn’t end there Karen because at some point later the snakes
33:51:00 reappeared in the room and I escaped again
33:55:00 and the next time I went up to the door the door was locked and I must have
34:00:00 knocked on the door tried to move it my mother said to me go back to bed and i
34:06:00 sat there as this little child right outside I don’t want to go back to my bedroom
34:11:00 and I I was in such a state of shock like I thought it was very hard for me
34:17:00 to process at all my little pajamas I’m leaning against the wall on the stairway
34:22:00 and I thought nobody’s gonna help me where do I go I can’t I was I’m so
34:27:00 shocked and I felt so abandoned alone isolated let me use those words and I
34:33:00 thought well do I sleep here all night but I remember was very uncomfortable
34:36:00 maybe when the sunlight started coming on I went back to my bed but I’m telling
34:41:00 you Karen at that juncture in my life and this is we’re not speaking somewhere
34:46:00 and I wrote about this I must have and I remember it I must have made a
34:50:00 realization that I didn’t have anybody to go to that I was not protected and
34:55:00 that I needed to take care of myself and what a age to get that but but you know what I feel
35:03:00 here’s the thing I think that wasn’t the only time I made such a vow to myself
35:07:00 given my age and my vulnerability as a child that it was my way of being able
35:14:00 to persevere in the midst of circumstances that were very hard to
35:18:00 deal with so anyway fast forward I have to tell
35:21:00 you that experience repeated itself as I started doing these exercises and you
35:28:00 can see my face yeah I’m laughing but I’m laughing like wow I use the same words
35:34:00 there were doors that were locking doors that were closing it was like I’m
35:38:00 talking about for a lifetime and several things that were such commonalities in
35:43:00 the original story of my life and I’m smiling now because the bigger thing in
35:50:00 this picture it’s not like I didn’t remember this event or whatever I just
35:54:00 allowed myself by going through the process the two-hour long process of
35:59:00 writing it down and literally giving honor and acknowledging my feelings and
36:07:00 allowing myself to be that little two and a half three year old and so I want
36:10:00 to tell you this is why we might have to do another follow up I really expect as
36:14:00 a result of not only doing it now sharing with you not that I was planning
36:17:00 on it that I believe somewhere in my thyroid the chronic cough the fact that
36:24:00 I’m coughing because I’ve never really coughed at what I wanted to say and the
36:28:00 energy itself that is so depleted me as a result of this lifelong cough is going
36:33:00 to dissipate and I’m going to self heal yes and can I share one other thing
36:39:00 I totally agree especially when you come to the I completely forgive myself yes
36:49:00 so once you do the reframe and you really and you stop being the victim and
36:54:00 you actually understand it and and because obviously you come back from an
36:58:00 adult’s perspective of it all um so you’ll forgive your parents especially
37:03:00 your mother and and all of that sort of stuff and you’ll realize exactly why she
37:08:00 was doing it more otherwise she would have had you in her bed every single night and I think so to Karen that I’m a mother and
37:16:00 this is why I will forgive I don’t care who it is it could be heinous things
37:20:00 that was a small thing right but I’m a mother when I ever want my daughter to
37:25:00 hold something against me my life never would I wanted anybody to that’s why
37:29:00 I don’t hold anything against anybody but I just gave place to emotions that I
37:34:00 wouldn’t have wanted to give place to but I have to tell you something else
37:38:00 and this is important in terms of the overall concept of this book as seeing
37:43:00 things from another perspective and even talking about these blueprints for life
37:48:00 before we come here on planet Earth where we’re going to be experiencing certain
37:52:00 things maybe that our soul wants to experience in a way of separateness yes
37:56:00 Karen I have been told many times many times that when I enter a room to speak
38:04:00 because you know I do a lot of public speaking and I can oftentimes I’m around
38:08:00 perfect strangers they will hear something they’ll see something but they
38:13:00 say Maura when you step into a room there’s something about you I feel
38:20:00 without a word being spoken that you understand me now what is the biggest
38:26:00 thing we all suffer from it’s the idea of being isolated alone rejected noone
38:33:00 understands me right and you know something with having that is a little child and
38:37:00 then seeing it repeat itself in various ways throughout my life I you could see
38:44:00 my face to my energy right this is where I always know when on what zone I’m in and
38:48:00 this author speaks about this my calling in life has been to serve as an uplifter
38:54:00 and as a unifier to the differences we have in this world and to bring back the
39:00:00 awareness of love and unity and what better way to relate to people and to
39:06:00 spend decades feeling like oh I’ve got this thing hiding back working somewhere
39:11:00 in my body where I felt like the person who was alone and forgotten and
39:15:00 overlooked and isolated and afraid and vulnerable
39:18:00 etc yes I see that as a grand preparation I could say this easily with
39:25:00 my mother in the room doesn’t matter you know that thing was a favor to me maybe
39:32:00 not on a micro scale because you go through life and you think okay this is
39:35:00 not easy but on a purposeful macro level it really truly brings purpose to the
39:43:00 soul and to a higher purpose what joy is in that really yes and that’s and that’s
39:51:00 what I love about this book it really does assist you to understand that
39:57:00 nothing is done to you it’s done for you yes and it’s about doing the self
40:05:00 exploration feeling the feelings going into it a lot of people don’t want to go
40:11:00 back and feel the feelings and actually understanding and then seeing how you
40:17:00 are better off for that incident absolutely and you know if I could add
40:23:00 things you know my daughter even said this to me when she was in college and
40:27:00 she ended up with interestingly enough a problem with her lungs and she couldn’t
40:32:00 heal them and she kept going I was like oh my gosh and she was in such pain and
40:36:00 she said to me when I went to care for her she said mom she said I know this
40:40:00 has been a really hard time for me but she said you know what I realized the
40:44:00 times we grow the most in life or not when everything is going well
40:48:00 she said we do our most growing when we go through hard times and that was a 16
40:53:00 17 year old girl saying that to me and you know what it is because we grow in
40:57:00 things like grace compassion understanding forgiveness of our own
41:03:00 weaknesses which helps us forgive others and there’s how about this
41:07:00 self-awareness what is it like before on the other side of maybe Mean Girls and
41:12:00 then we decide I’m not going to be a mean girl to anybody whatever it may be
41:16:00 those hard times when we process them through the higher place the god space
41:22:00 the divine space whatever you want to call it they have the capacity to so
41:27:00 transform us into better more vibrant more full-bodied more aware versions of
41:35:00 ourselves I totally agree and I think that is where we are going to end this
41:41:00 conversation and it has been an amazing conversation Thank You Maura for being
41:46:00 so open so honest and actually going in and not only reading the book but
41:52:00 doing the exercises because everyone can read a book but it’s through doing those
41:57:00 exercises that you really do get to understand yourself so much more and
42:04:00 it’s just so rewarding it is well thank you and I’m sure we will have another
42:12:00 conversation on live love by design TV so thank you so much for being here
42:19:00 thank you that has been another episode of Live Love by design TV I am very
42:26:00 grateful for Maura for coming on and discussing the book with me though more
42:31:00 importantly for being so open and so vulnerable
42:35:00 and sharing her stories I highly recommend that you do yourself a favor
42:41:00 and go and get this radical forgiveness book it’s by Colin Tipping and it’s an
42:49:00 amazing process it really does assist you to take any event in your life
42:55:00 small or huge to actually see how it has been done for you not to you and how it
43:03:00 can assist you to actually fulfill everything that you have chosen to
43:10:00 fulfill in this lifetime so thank you again for being here and I look forward
43:16:00 to seeing you on another episode of live love by design TV real soon bye for now